Friday 1-19-07 Art Cards

Hello gentle readers,

I make these construction paper art card thingies with my daughter. They're very modern abstract looking. They actually look really cool. I'm planning on framing a couple,

While doing this I came up with a terrific idea...Try to sell them!

***

On a much different note, I really want to help make cycling something that's very safe and something that people want to do. I discovered "Rails To Trails", which works on turning old railroad tracks in to cycling trails, and "Greenways", which builds bicycle trails.

I'd love to help these organizations as much as possible. And, since I'm totally poor, I thought I'd help by linking them in my very expensive blog. Yeah, I know, I'm such a cheapskate...

Jinbobobby Womy

Praise To Jingobobby Womy

A guy is eating in a restaurant with his sexy girlfriend [all of the girls in my stories happen to have this feature...IE "Sexiness"]. A family - Mom, Dad, Son, and Daughter - enters the restaurant and sits in the booth next to the couple.

They get their meal. But before they eat, they pray. However, they don't pray to God, like normal Americans would. The entity they pray to happens to be name Jingobobby Womy [I hope this sounds ridiculous like it's supposed to].

The guy sitting near the family happens to hear the son's prayer:"Dear Jingobobby Womy help me find my favorite Robo-mutant action figure. I lost it, and have no idea where it is!"

On his way out, the guy's sexy girlfriend spots the boy's Robo-mutant laying in the parking lot next to his cardoor.

He grabs the action figure, goes back into the restaurant, and proudly gives it to the boy.
"Thanks Jingobobby Womy!" the father rejoices looking up, with his hands in the air, towards heaven.

The End

My new weight watching regiment. "The Waste Watcher Plan"

I've come up with a new, brilliant weight management program:

See, a lot of people gain weight, and have no idea where it comes from. In my new program [I feel like I have to give it a name...I'll call it the "Waste watcher plan"], you keep a diary of what you eat along with a record of the weight of your wastes (both urination and fecal matter [hey, common now, I am trying to sound scientific] ).

You also keep track of your daily activity.

So, for example, I eat one and a half pounds of food one day. And urinate and defecate one and one-quarter of waste. If you do the calculation, you'll notice that you've gained a quarter of a pound in weight that day.

The next day, you eat one pound of food. And begin your exercise regiment chainsaw juggling while running around the block five times.

You eat one and a half pounds of food that day. You urinate and defecate one and 1.7 pounds of waste that day. So, that means you've actually lost some weight [0.2 pounds to be precise].

I think this is a brilliant idea. But make sure you don't reuse the items you pee and poop in for future leftovers!

A new holiday

I thought of a new holiday. It's sort of like a birthday, but it's called "conception day".

I can explain the holiday better if I write a fake conversation between father and son:
***
Holidy? Hurrah!!!

Little Johnny and his dad sit the living room, among many colorful, helium-filled ballons, looking outside the front window waiting for people to show up to thier party.

"Dad, this is sort of like my birthday, right?," asks little Johnny.

"Yes," says Daddy. "It's the same, but different. See, Johnny, it's the day mommy and I made you."

"In other words," says little Johnny with a big smirk. "It's the day when you and mommy had sex, and your sperm fertilized mommy's egg."

"Wow, you sure are smart, Johnny," says Daddy. He, then, takes a deep breath, wipes his brow, and looks at little Johnny. "Since scientists have figured out that it takes twenty three weeks from conception to birth, I just take the day you were born and subtract twenty three weeks. And that's our new holiday!"

"Do I get presents?" asks little Johnny.

"Well, I'm sorry," Daddy says. "I got paid yesterday, but some jerk in the parking lot mugged me as I walked from the bank to my car."

***
What do you think of this new holiday?

I think it's a great idea. Unfortunately, I picture some anti abortion wackos foaming at the mouth, yelling, "See, I told you. Life does begin at conception!"

"Yes" To that I'd respond,"life for a loved child!"

What do you think of all of this, gentle reader [if I have any]?

1-05-07

I found this bike on the internet. It looks like a very interesting concept... A front wheel drive bicycle.

If I rode big boy bikes like I used to, I'd definitely give it a try.

The link.

January 1, 2007

I'm sorry that it's been so long. My brain has just been in "rest" mode. I'm going to post some of, my daughter, Veronica's poems. This beautiful, awesome girl inspires me so much that I'm going to post a story I wrote for her.

***

Now, the poems:

Broken Heart
My heart is broken
I just can’t understand
When my heart is broken
I just don’t understand

I want to play violin
I just don’t understand
When my heart is broken
I just don’t understand

I stopped and I come
I wiped a chimbly thumb
My hair is working
When my heart is broken
I just don’t understand


Mermaid Song
I dance around
I couldn’t feel
My heart is not broken

A deep sea
A deep sea
And I couldn’t feel a wave

When I’m a mermaid
Now I dance around boys
I dance around with girls.
I dance with everybody in the world.

One day I couldn’t have feet
But feet is stupid
I want to be with the other mermaids

I love to see other mermaids
And whales and dolphins
And my family too.

October 2, 2006 Niceness

As time, science, and technology increases, we should, and will have to, find new ways to prove we're nice people. Of course, one can always go the cheap and easy route by becoming religious.

In some ways,I went that way. But I realize that religion is a cheap, easy, and abused way to prove niceness. So, I just use the things I'm good at to help me along the way. Writing, for one, is easy. And I hope it makes me a better, trustable guy. And I'm also a musician [guitar], and I hope that helps too.

Now that I think of it, I've always been religious by being a punk rocker with morals.

The punk rock lifestyle lead me to my wife. And from my wife to zines. And from zines to writing in general.

Writing, like I said, is my way to gain trust. So I hope my writing doesn't make you sick and naseous.

[P.S. Is anybody actually following my story. If so, let me know, I'll finish trascribing it.]

Cycling vids

Greetings Earthlings,

I discovered a website featuring bikes I would ride if I weren't crippled. It's called "Street Lowrider"

The video can be found here: videos